I am thinking I am not good at intentions or goals or resolutions. Is there some sort of Loki/Coyote/Mercury god screwing around with all of my good intentions?
I had disturbing dreams all night. I dreamed my mother was alive, that there had been a mistake. I vaguely wondered how the cremation thing played into that, but I've been having these dreams the last two years, so I'm sort of used to them now. When I get them, it starts a series of struggle dreams. In this case, I was at a convention on the last day. I had to pack up the hotel room, but no one would move. I ended up trying to fix dinner for a bunch of people, including Bill and Hillary Clinton (Mom almost always brings them with her in my dreams.) There was strange food, like birthday cake and rainbow sherbet. Everyone kept going swimming. It was like herding cats.
I woke up when Bob came to bed and said (or thought I said), "I'm having crappy dreams, I'm glad you are here." I went back to sleep to more crappy dreams. In the morning, instead of feeling grateful to Bob for his warm presence, I was pissed off at him. I'm not sure why --- dream thing.
So, I go to my first job & it's OK. I get a lot done, which is good because there is a lot to do. I move on to my second job. Although I have a low-grade headache, I am feeling OK. I clean my desk and the space around it, which makes my boss happy. Then, I get yelled at by the employee of a client who is mad because I garnished her wages like the State of SC told me to. I politely (I swear, no eye rolling) told her I did what the letter said, and that I'd gotten an update on the amount. If there is a problem, she needs to call SCDOR. Another employee (a manager sort of) calls me. Between the two of them, they are in a tornado of a tizzy, and I am getting an earful. I am not amused. I am breathing deeply and thinking kind and patient thoughts. I am about to explode from an adrenaline rush that won't go anywhere, because I am a kind, patient, polite person. So when I get off the phone, I call my boss and threaten to quit. Then I calm down and he promises to back me up on the "no employees calling to bitch at Kathy" rule. I get through the day.
I go back to my other job and have another adrenaline rush when I find out I don't have the software to run payroll. Then I find out that it isn't ready, but they have a patch to download. It really isn't a crisis. So here I am with all of this extra adrenaline.
If I weren't sitting in my pajamas with an adrenaline headache, eating stale Breyer's coffee ice cream, I might go run around the block. Instead, I'm marveling at the fact that Breyers can get stale in my house. And I'm thinking I'm going to take a shower and go to bed. And hope for some help with my intentions for tomorrow.
But if it were easy, we'd all do it, right?
Where have you been?
5 years ago