OK, I have to start with a confession and an apology. I thought my computer had been hacked or something. I thought I was locked out and couldn't work over here. This kept me from writing this blog and kept me from writing a novel I'm working on. I kept me from doing stuff I think I want to do.
It turns out, I was typing in the wrong password. I was so sure that I had the right password, that I didn't try my other passwords. I just thought the universe was out to get me and I had no control.
Y'all see a lesson here?
The universe doesn't care that much about me. I do have control. I can control my willingness to listen to others and to myself. I can control my view of myself: helpless victim, superhero, something in between. I can contribute to my climate and to the healing that the Universe (which doesn't know who I am) needs.
I am a couple of days late, and I really don't want to go into some of the things I'm thinking about right now. It's been a tough morning and this is a small step toward getting me on a better path. Or any path.
And off we go.
Saturday, November 9, 2019
Wednesday, October 30, 2019
Fair weather
I'm thinking about charitable assumptions, communication, and community.
I don't think I've worried all that much in the past about the fact that almost everyone disagrees with me somewhere in my world view. Growing up liberal in South Carolina, a very conservative state, it's just the way things were. Mostly people were nice enough to me, although some people called me an n-word lover. I understood it was meant as an insult, I just wasn't sure how it was an insult. Like a lot of insults in my life, if it's true it's not going to be hurtful. Sorry.
I heard a vlog about conservative and liberal religious folk and their approach to the Hebrew Scripture or Old Testament. He said that conservative people looked to the laws and liberal people looked to the prophets. I find that to be true. I also wonder why there is a rift there. Prophets are just as harsh as the laws... more so, often. Laws are complex and arcane, difficult to follow under the best of circumstances. People who follow them tend to drop some (I mean, there are a few hundred of them) and lift up others. They wear tattoos and polyester blends while being outraged by men lying with men. And liberal people looking toward the prophets aren't usually all that gloomy, which you'd think we would be considering the prophesies.
I heard a Ted Talk about communication. He says that liberals look for values like fairness and equality while conservatives look for patriotism and purity. It made sense to me that there are different basic values, but I wonder if those are the ones that matter. I've heard conservative pundits use the term "empathy" with a vicious sneer. I've heard liberals use nationalism with the same tone. I look at supporters of the president and it doesn't look like patriotism or purity are their thing. Sure, I've heard respect the office of president, but I discount it from people who posted photos of President Obama and his family depicted as monkeys and worse.
I talked to a friend yesterday who said his conservative friends think Democrats and liberals are mean, ugly people. Democrats and liberals think the same about Republicans and conservatives. We also feel that we're doing the heavy lifting in trying to bridge the gap. I don't know if conservatives feel that way. It feels like they think we're "human scum" and not worth speaking to. On the other hand, "deplorables" is not the most helpful label in the world.
I am not further along in my thinking. I'm still saddened and confused by perfectly nice people who turn into hateful monsters when faced with people of color and people of different faiths or nationalities. I wonder how they see me. Lost and soulless? Without conviction? And yet I see myself as a very moral person.
I have babbled enough for this morning.
I don't think I've worried all that much in the past about the fact that almost everyone disagrees with me somewhere in my world view. Growing up liberal in South Carolina, a very conservative state, it's just the way things were. Mostly people were nice enough to me, although some people called me an n-word lover. I understood it was meant as an insult, I just wasn't sure how it was an insult. Like a lot of insults in my life, if it's true it's not going to be hurtful. Sorry.
I heard a vlog about conservative and liberal religious folk and their approach to the Hebrew Scripture or Old Testament. He said that conservative people looked to the laws and liberal people looked to the prophets. I find that to be true. I also wonder why there is a rift there. Prophets are just as harsh as the laws... more so, often. Laws are complex and arcane, difficult to follow under the best of circumstances. People who follow them tend to drop some (I mean, there are a few hundred of them) and lift up others. They wear tattoos and polyester blends while being outraged by men lying with men. And liberal people looking toward the prophets aren't usually all that gloomy, which you'd think we would be considering the prophesies.
I heard a Ted Talk about communication. He says that liberals look for values like fairness and equality while conservatives look for patriotism and purity. It made sense to me that there are different basic values, but I wonder if those are the ones that matter. I've heard conservative pundits use the term "empathy" with a vicious sneer. I've heard liberals use nationalism with the same tone. I look at supporters of the president and it doesn't look like patriotism or purity are their thing. Sure, I've heard respect the office of president, but I discount it from people who posted photos of President Obama and his family depicted as monkeys and worse.
I talked to a friend yesterday who said his conservative friends think Democrats and liberals are mean, ugly people. Democrats and liberals think the same about Republicans and conservatives. We also feel that we're doing the heavy lifting in trying to bridge the gap. I don't know if conservatives feel that way. It feels like they think we're "human scum" and not worth speaking to. On the other hand, "deplorables" is not the most helpful label in the world.
I am not further along in my thinking. I'm still saddened and confused by perfectly nice people who turn into hateful monsters when faced with people of color and people of different faiths or nationalities. I wonder how they see me. Lost and soulless? Without conviction? And yet I see myself as a very moral person.
I have babbled enough for this morning.
Tuesday, October 29, 2019
Changing my environment
I am sitting in a hotel in Nashville. The sun seems to be coming up. I can tell because the grey cloud cover is sort of glowing.
Bob the husband is at a tax conference downstairs. I am grateful that I no longer go to tax conferences.
I have told everyone that I am here to write, but really, I'm here to be quiet. I'm here to spend time with Bob and by myself. I'm here to give my ears a rest.
And when my ears stop ringing from the needs and wants and sadness and happiness of others, I hope to hear what I can do … really do, not just want to do … to BE for other people.
I made my peace globe, which will be unveiled on Monday, November 4. I'll give you a hint:
OK, that's more than a hint.
I love Teresa Avila. Our Godly Play story said that she laughed for God. "May God protect me from gloomy saints." She also said, "The closer we get to God, the simpler it becomes." And like a lot of people my age and not my age, I am looking for simplicity.
Love. Light. Dark. Rain. Sunshine. Anything that blooms. Anything that sings. Big hugs.
I want to be a center of peace in my people's ravaged lives. Joy, solace. Love. A hand up. A pat on a back. Love.
Monday, October 21, 2019
The Vision Thing
I'm thinking I need a vision thing. What do I want my environment to look like?
I don't mind the people and the animals, really. I just want less stuff. I want to be able to cook and write and sit and talk and be.
I want a kitchen table big enough to feed everyone and strong enough to hold the crafts and homework and long talks that will go there.
I want my windows as clear as possible, so the sun can shine in.
I want light (not necessarily white) walls and wood floors.
I want comfortable furniture.
I want pictures and paintings and sculptures that mean things to us. Not too much. Enough.
I want color.
I want the house to smell of fresh air and coffee and lemon verbena.
I want my yard to be a great living space. I want a table and chairs. Maybe an arbor. Plants to eat and anything that blooms.
I want the yard to have native plants that attract bees and butterflies.
I want a hammock chair.
I don't mind the people and the animals, really. I just want less stuff. I want to be able to cook and write and sit and talk and be.
I want a kitchen table big enough to feed everyone and strong enough to hold the crafts and homework and long talks that will go there.
I want my windows as clear as possible, so the sun can shine in.
I want light (not necessarily white) walls and wood floors.
I want comfortable furniture.
I want pictures and paintings and sculptures that mean things to us. Not too much. Enough.
I want color.
I want the house to smell of fresh air and coffee and lemon verbena.
I want my yard to be a great living space. I want a table and chairs. Maybe an arbor. Plants to eat and anything that blooms.
I want the yard to have native plants that attract bees and butterflies.
I want a hammock chair.
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