Listens well and follows directions

I always received high marks for listening in school, because that is what it looked like I did. From first through fifth grade, I ventured into class participation three times. Each one ended badly. I learned that even though the sign on the wall says “There is no such thing as a stupid question,” no one really believes that. I learned to research and ask books my questions rather than ask people.

Sometime between 9th and 12th grade, I became more open with my opinions. I became a debater. I learned to listen in order to think of a response. I listened to argue and the point was to win, not solve a problem, and certainly not to be convinced.

In an attempt to become a good listener, I picked up on the idea of echoing what a person says to make them realize you can relate, or something. I think I got it wrong, because I turned into one of those boors who responds, “Oh yes, I knew someone who had triple by-pass surgery like you are getting. He died.”

I developed into a person who needs to solve problems, even if they aren’t my problems and even if they don’t want to be solved. (And, no, I am not a man.) If you tell me your problem, my mind goes to work trying to fix it. You want me to listen; I am too busy solving your problem to hear you. As part of this, I often feel defensive about a problem. Even if it isn’t my problem and even if it doesn’t want to be solved, I feel that I have failed because I can’t solve it. See? This attitude isn’t conducive to listening.

And so, at an embarrassingly late age, I developed the ability to listen without thinking about solving the problem, without thinking of my response, without planning a counter-argument. It is a struggle. I had to realize that listening is a skill that is not inborn, but learned. I had to practice. I had to bite my tongue. I had to fail.

Now that I have developed this nascent skill, I have another problem.

Being open-minded can lead people to believe that I am easily swayed, simply because it is possible to sway me. Sometimes when I do a really good job of listening, others quit listening. Give them an inch, man…

I feel like I’m doing all the work. Compromise becomes the breakfast the chicken asked the pig to help her with. She said, “I’ll supply the eggs, and you supply the bacon. That’s fair, isn’t it?” And no, it isn’t fair.

And so, even as I approach 50, I still stumble between appearing to be a bully or a toady. I try to be an open-minded, calm, rational, mother-earth goddess type, and I end up stomping my foot and saying, “That isn’t fair. I’m listening and you should too.”

Oh well. As Jimmy Carter said, “Life isn’t fair.” And I’m not always fair either.

Promises promises

Now that it is NOT TAX SEASON, I will write more on this blog. I will eat better and more regularly. I will walk more and sleep less. I will plant the seeds I bought. (The pepper seeds I planted have sprouted!) I will think about what I want to do and where I want to take my life. I will search out new sources of information and knowledge.

I bought a used book yesterday. It is about the beginnings of the study of prehistory. A study on a study. It is interesting. Surprisingly well written. You know how social scientists are. If they write a readable book, they are accused of being fluffy, so they write tortured, convoluted sentences that last longer than the 100 years war. Like that one there. Bless their hearts.

I will study studies and other new and exciting things. I will... hmmm... nap time.

March 1

Is it March 1 already? Although the groundhog saw his shadow last month, the daffodils didn't get the news. My yard thinks it's spring, and so do I. I'm ready to get into the garden and dig, plant, clip, and enjoy.

Unfortunately, it's still tax season, so there isn't as much time for that as I'd like. Something I might want to consider, as I consider my career choices. It would be nice to see spring one year. Not just through the window as I stare out wondering how much Lowe's stock sold for when it was bought, "Oh, I don't know, four or five years ago."

My new years resolutions are not going so well. I don't even eat breakfast unless I pick up a steak, egg, and cheese biscuit from Bojangles. (Which sounds good right now, as I get ready to head to work on a gorgeous Saturday morning.) I have lost weight, but that has more to do with overwork and a slight case of pneumonia than any healthy eating on my part. The only green thing I ate last week was an M & M.

I have begun to organize my space, even though I never did manage to solidify that goal. I bought a cool white cube shelf and some red and blue bins and stuff. I can find paper, pens, folders. By next week, I will have a file for bills, letters, and to be filed. Some day, I may have what I need to write a thank you note, sympathy card, or birthday greeting AND mail it. We can dream, huh?

OK, off to work. Maybe I'll write some more later. That would be something.

February 1

Since it's February 1, it's time to evaluate my progress toward my goals for this year. I suppose I should be 1/12th of the way toward completion. And guess what? I'm not.

Theoretically, you could say I've made a little progress on each of them. For goal #3, becoming and enrolled agent, I have explored some possible courses I might take. I didn't expect to do anything serious until after April 15. No tax preparer does. Ever. So that's ok.

My second goal was to be organized. I am planning to clean my room and sort clothes this weekend, so I have hopes for this one. All of my horoscopes and inner feelings and counselors have told me that getting rid of junk, literally and metaphorically, is important to me and that this is a good time to do it. We'll see. In the mean time, I have a great plan for a desk, bookshelf, and baskets in what is now a breakfast nook holding a computer. I think I'll like it better as a mini-office. I like to work in the center of things, with light and warmth and air. The den, which I had planned to use as an office, is dark and cluttered. This will be better.

So if planning and good intentions are 1/12th of complete, I'm ok on that one for now.

#1 involved health and well-being. I am not eating any better, although I did buy green apples and oranges, and have eaten an apple. Today at lunch time, I thought about my goal and how to achieve it. Then I ordered some sort of super stuffed potato bites at Arbys. I can't really say that in any way helped me reach my goal.

I can blame TAX SEASON on the slow start on Goal #1 as well, but I am not going to wait until April 15 to improve my exercise and eating habits. I just have to remember that even little steps are good. And that taking care of myself, eating better, getting some exercise, will help me maintain the energy level I need to survive the next few months. It's a marathon, and I need to be fueled.

So my baby step goal for this month is to eat a nice breakfast (whole grain cereal and a banana, yum! yum!) and to walk for 15 minutes a day. The walk will probably be a stroll around my office yard (a large, woodsy yard) with a telephone in hand, but it will be a walk. And better than nothing.